


I don't want to leave.

by brown_eyed_fallen_angel



Series: Destiel love drabbles [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Character Death, Dean Makes Mistakes, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Falling In Love, Feels, Forgivness, Friendship, Homecoming, Hurt, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I'm Sorry, Kissing, Leaving Home, Love, M/M, Making Love, Marriage Proposal, Military Dean, Not Beta Read, Sad Ending, Songfic, Trust, first songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-22
Updated: 2016-11-22
Packaged: 2018-09-01 10:28:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8620945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brown_eyed_fallen_angel/pseuds/brown_eyed_fallen_angel
Summary: Oh, kiss me and smile for meTell me that you'll wait for meHold me like you'll never let me go'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet planeDon't know when I'll be back againOh babe, I hate to goLeaving on a jet plane by John Denver





	

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this because yay I can write again! Unfortunately it's not what I'm supposed to be working on and if you follow my other stories, I'm sorry it's taken so long but hopefully new chapters will be posted soon. For now you get this. A little song fic I wrote because I heard this song the other day and the idea stuck with me. This is my first ever song fic so if it doesn't make sense, I'm sorry, I tried. As alway constructive criticism is welcome but hate will not be tolerated. Thanks for taking the time to read my fic.

Dean glances one more time at the front door. It would be easy, to just lift his hand and knock. He knows that Cas would wake up. Cas is a light sleeper, he wakes up when the wind blows too hard against the house. All he would have to do is lift his hand, and knock. It would be easy, simple, yet he can't bring himself to do it. Just the thought of Cas’ heartbroken face, his tears, his sorrow, it would be too much for Dean, too much to handle right now.

All my bags are packed  
I'm ready to go  
I'm standin' here outside your door  
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye

 

The sun lightens up the sky, dawn. There's no going back now. Dean glances at his watch, 6 a.m. he just can't bring himself to wake Cas up. Maybe, just to say goodbye. He lifts his hand, as if to knock, when the sudden blare of the taxi horn startles him out of his thoughts. No, he shouldn't wake Cas. His heart breaks even more as he picks up his suitcase, and turns towards the taxi. He already feels so alone. He just wants to hold Cas, one more time. 

But the dawn is breakin'  
It's early morn  
The taxi's waitin'  
He's blowin' his horn  
Already I'm so lonesome  
I could die

 

Dean walks towards the taxi, his heart heavy, and broken.

“Dean! Wait!” 

Dean turns to find Castiel standing inside the open door. Dean sighs, already feeling tears in his eyes, “Cas, I -” Dean can't speak for fear of losing his fragile composure. Castiel runs down the short walkway and throws himself into Dean's arms.

“You were going to leave without saying goodbye?” Cas whispered. Dean clung to Cas inhaling his familiar scent of honey and rain. He silently let his tears fall, “I didn't want to be your tears, the last thing that I saw.” 

“What did you want the last thing you saw to be?” Castiel questioned, looking into Dean's tear filled eyes. Dean gazed into those cerulean pools, slowly leaking tears, “Your smile.” 

Castiel couldn't help but smile when Dean said that. Dean grinned, wiping a tear from Cas’ cheek, “That's the one. The one I fell in love with.” Cas smiled even wider at that, a few more tears slipping from his eyes, “Is it too much to ask for a goodbye kiss?” 

“Never,” Dean cupped Cas’ face in his hands and kissed him, hoping to convey through that one kiss how much he loves Cas. 

“Tell me you'll wait for me Cas,” Dean whispered in between gentle kisses, “Even if you don't I need to hear it.” 

“Oh Dean,” Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and buried his face in Dean's neck, “I'll always wait for you.” He could feel fresh tears threatening to spill but he held them back, for Dean he put on a smile.

So kiss me and smile for me  
Tell me that you'll wait for me  
Hold me like you'll never let me go

“Hey buddy, I'm on a schedule here.” the taxi driver yelled out the passenger side window. 

“Just give me another minute alright?” Dean looked at Cas, “My flight leaves in an hour. I really do have to go.” Cas nods, “When will you come back to me?” 

“I don't know sunshine,” Dean's voice cracks on the last word and his tears sat falling freely, “I don't know Cas. I might never come back. I don't want to go. I hate this.” 

“Hey, Dean, baby,” Cas holds onto Dean trying to fight back his own sobs, “I'll be here. I'll be waiting. I'll always wait. I love you.” Dean kisses Cas one more time, “I love you too.” 

The taxi driver honks again, and Dean slowly makes his way to the taxi. Cas just stands in the yard, watching the taxi go, his sobs too great to contain any longer.

'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane  
Don't know when I'll be back again  
Oh babe, I hate to go

 

Dean wakes up hating himself. He couldn't remember letting himself get so drunk, but he had. He couldn't remember the perky brunette at the bar, but she was lying next to him. He couldn't remember them having sex, but all the evidence clearly proves they did. 

Dean felt nauseous, disgusted with himself. How could he betray Cas like this? How could he let his guard down so much so that this happened. He quickly made his way to the bathroom and emptied his stomach.

 

“how could you let this happen?” He asked his reflection. His heart broke that night as he wrote Cas to tell him what he had done. He profusely apologized, begged for Cas’ forgiveness, swore he would never touch a drop of alcohol again, swore it meant nothing and he couldn't even remember it. He knew he didn't deserve Cas’ forgiveness, but he also knew he couldn't live without Cas.

A month later he received a letter from Cas. He opened it with trembling hands only to find a few sentences: I'll always forgive you Dean. I know it didn't mean anything. I'm still waiting. I love you.  
There's so many times I've let you down  
So many times I've played around  
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing

During his entire tour everywhere he went he thought about Cas. He hadn't touched a drop of liquor since that first night overseas when he had ended up sleeping with some strange woman. Everything reminded him of his blue eyed beauty back home. He started to sing songs, thinking of all the times he sang for Cas. Every song was sung for his love. 

One day while his platoon was scouting out the market he came across a jewelry merchant. The old man tried selling him many things but only one thing caught his eye, “How much for the silver ring with the blue stones?” 

“A very good choice sir, that one will cost 500.” Dean nodded, “I'll take it.” He gave the old man the money and the old man gave him the ring. He quickly slipped it on his dog tags, so he wouldn't lose it.

Ev'ry place I go, I'll think of you  
Ev'ry song I sing, I'll sing for you  
When I come back, I'll bring your wedding ring

 

He walked up to his mom's house on shaky legs. He hadn't seen Cas in 5 years. They wrote as often as they could, sent pictures when they could, but it wasn't the same. The snow crunched under his shoes, he had missed that sound. He stopped at the front door, remembering the last time he had been on one side with Cas on the other.

He knew it was time for the surprise. His mother and him had planned everything down to the littlest detail. He straightened his uniform, took a deep breath, and quietly entered the house. 

The smell of cinnamon and sweet burning wood overwhelmed his nose. As quietly as he could he shut the door, and walked towards the living room.

“Castiel there's one more present for you dear.” Dean heard his mother say. 

“Where? All the gifts that were under the tree have been passed out.” Dean's heart lept into his throat at the sweet sound of Castiel’s voice. He hadn't heard Cas speak in 5 years, and it was like music to his ears. He tried to hold back his tears.

“Alright, here. This gift is from someone special.” Dean couldn't hear anything besides the crackling of the fire. Cas gasping broke the silence, “Oh, it's so beautiful. I love it.”

“Read the letter dear.”

“Dearest Castiel, While on patrol one day in a market place in the middle of nowhere I saw this ring. The blue gems reminded me of your eyes, although nothing compares to the unique shade of your eyes. I couldn't walk away from the merchant without buying it for you. I know it's been a long time, and if you couldn't wait for me any longer I understand. But, if you did wait for me, if you still love me, then Castiel, turn around.” 

As soon as Cas read the last sentence Dean stepped into the living room. Cas spun around, his eyes going wide.

“Will you marry me Cas?” Whatever answer he had it expected, it was nothing compared to the one he got.

Cas pushed himself off the floor, ran across the room, flung himself into Dean's embrace, clutching onto Dean, whispering yes always in between sweet kisses. 

So kiss me and smile for me  
Tell me that you'll wait for me  
Hold me like you'll never let me go  
'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane  
Don't know when I'll be back again  
Oh babe, I hate to go

 

It was unexpected. Cancer. It could happen to anyone, at anytime, but the news was earth shattering for Castiel. Dean had cancer. He was going to die. Those two little words, it's terminal, playing in his head over, and over again. There was nothing to be done but wait it out, and make the best if Dean's last days.

They made love, every day after the diagnosis, until Dean got too weak. The whole time whispering their love for each other until they reached their climax. They went on trips to the beach, spending time in the sand, laying out under the stars. Every silent moment filled with silent tears, only broken by whispered endearments and proclamations of love.

The day it happened was a cool fall day. The leaves were beautiful shades of orange, red, and yellow. Early that morning Dean had waken Cas up, asking him to take him to their spot. 

So Castiel helped Dean, pale, fragile, and weak, into the wheelchair. He wheeled Dean out the backdoor, down to the spot where they confessed their love for each other, the spot where they first made love to each other, the spot where they would lay and watch the stars, the spot where they vowed to love each other forever, the spot where Dean wanted to spend his final moments. 

Castiel helped Dean out of the wheelchair. Together they walked over and laid down underneath the tree that guard their spot. Usually Dean would hold Castiel in his arms and whisper how much he loved him, how he would never leave him again. This time, Castiel held Dean and whispered his love to him.

“Cas,” Dean spoke, barely above a whisper, “I'm sorry I broke my promise.” Castiel wiped a tear from his eye, “What do you mean my love?” 

“I promised you, I would never leave you again. But now, now I'm leaving, and I won't be back again.” Castiel choked back a sob, “It's OK Dean. You kept it as long as you could. Besides we had 35 beautiful years together. That's all that matters now.”

“We did have a lot of good times, didn't we?” Dean smiled, “I remember when we met, and you could barely say two words to me. I thought it was adorable.” 

“Well can you blame me? You were the best looking guy I'd ever seen.” Cas ran his fingers through Dean's hair. Dean chuckled but it turned into a cough. 

Castiel held Dean closer to him, cherishing what little time they had left.

“Hey Cas,” Dean whispered, “I don't want to leave you. I'm scared to die.” Cas let out a sob, “I know baby. I know. But we'll see each other again someday. Just think, this will be the last time you'll ever have to leave me.” 

“It doesn't make it easier to go. I don't wanna leave again Cas.” Dean was crying now too. His tears slowly running down his cheeks, “I love you Cas. I don't wanna go.”

“I love you too Dean. I'll always love you.” Cas was shaking with sobs now. Dean left out a strangled breath, “Cas, let me kiss you.” Cas wiped his tears away, and leaned down to kiss his husband, the love of his life, one more time. It was soft and sweet, and full of both their love for each other. 

Dean laced their fingers together and whispered, “I'm glad the last thing I get to see, is my sunshine.” He wiped Cas’ tears with his free hand and just lovingly caressed Cas’ cheek.

“Close your eyes Cas. Please.” 

Cas closed his eyes, “I love you Dean.” He kissed Dean's palm and listened while his husband took one, last shuddering breath.

Now the time has come to leave you  
One more time  
Let me kiss you  
Then close your eyes  
I'll be on my way  
Dream about the days to come  
When I won't have to leave alone  
About the times, I won't have to say

Oh, kiss me and smile for me  
Tell me that you'll wait for me  
Hold me like you'll never let me go  
'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane  
Don't know when I'll be back again  
Oh babe, I hate to go

But, I'm leavin' on a jet plane  
Don't know when I'll be back again  
Oh babe, I hate to go


End file.
